Who Are You And Who Are You With?
Did you miss me? I missed me. What?! You don't know who the hell I am? Well that's your loss, isn't it. Not my problem.
It is?
Well, fine then. This is j.hues, returning to what made him famous... infamous? A long time ago in a galaxy all around you (duh!) there was a little weekly column called 'Rolling With The Punches.' You can find the archives at http://www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/punches/, though note that the displaying column is by a guest columnist (more on that in a bit). This column ran for almost a year, gaining much acclaim from industry professionals, journalists and fans alike. At it's height I was one of the top destinations at the Silver Bullet site.
This lead to my selection to replace outgoing Alan Donald on SBC's signature column 'All The Rage.' In a fan-participation romp, Alan and I switched columsn for "one week," this is why you see a column by Alan Donald when you go to my Archives--natch!, and then that one week became permanent.
What's that? You don't remember me writing ATR? Well, it didn't last long and no I wasn't fired thenkyewverymuch. Due to my work as News Editor and Columnist, I garnered the attention of Bob Layton down at Future Comics and faster than the Flash can doff the scarlet and lightning I had to resign from ATR (handing it over to that drunken lout Markisan Naso--who stood me and up-and-coming superstar Brandon Thomas up at WW Chicago so he could be drunk!) and take the position of Public Relations and Marketing Manager for Future Comics.
That was a great ride and I got to meet and greet with a lot of industry legends and great professionals at conventions and got to see the publishing side of our fine industry (which was great!). As most of you know, Future Comics closed its doors earlier this year, and you ATR readers learned a bit more about the behind the scenes machinations of that through Bob Layton's open letter in ATR this past weekend.
This left me without an outlet at all! Unacceptable. So I started 'RWTPv2: Rolling With The Punches.' Volume 2, rather than being the zany fun-loving column you all know, is a daily webstrip that updates 5 days a week (M-F). It premiered in April 2004 at Silver Bullet Comics before moving later in the year to its own home in the wide world of cyberspace at www.rwtpv2.com (a URL so nice no one in their right minds will ever remember it--remember all of my success has come based on my ravishing good looks) and promptly losing more than half of its readership, many of whom probably figured I'd just stopped doing the strip rather than finding me at my new home. But they're finding me now, ever so slowly. RWTPv2 is set in a comics shop, where I spent five very formative years managing. The cast is based on me and various people I've met, worked with and known over the years. It's good stuff people.
But then suddenly that wasn't enough. Suddenly, I was just another web cartoonist in an obscure corner of the Internet (albeit a damned good-looking and funny and insightful and intelligent and entertaining corner, but a corner nonetheless) and so now you see 'Rolling With The Punches: Version 3.0.'
The difference this time is that I'm not folding Volume 2 so that I can bring you Version 3.0. I'm gonna do both. Why? Because I love you. Okay, actually it's because I love me and I love the sound of my own font and you just have to deal with it (don't leave!).
So what's this blog gonna be about? Is anybody still reading this far into it? No? I like to touch myself in dark places someti-- hello? Is somebody there? This isn't funny! You better not tell anyone what I s-- no, of course it's not true. I knew you were there the whole time.
*ahem*
RWTPv3.0 is a return to the idea behind the original 'Punches,' in which I take a tidbit of news and add my own perverse twist to it. Would you like an example culled form those archives at SBC? Okay...
(bastards are gonna make me work for it!)
hmmm....
From March 26, 2003
(http://www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/punches/104873197190044.htm)
-----BEGIN TRANSMISSION----
The power is moving to the Sigil! The hot success of the eighties has prompted MV Creations to move from Image to CGE. Why? Well, I was going to ask MV Creations President Val Staples about it but then a rerun of What’s Happening came on television and the next thing you know it was Sanford & Son, Gimme A Break, Diff’rent Strokes and Taxi and there just wasn’t enough time to track him down. As such, I have concocted an interview, with myself filling in for the esteemed Mr. Staples.
j.hues:So, CrossGen, eh? Image piss you off?
(not) Val Staples: Oh not at all. We have a very cordial relationship with Image. Okay, truth be told they pissed me off. They said we were going to have to have a Masters of the Universe / Witchblade crossover within the first year of the series. It just seemed really stupid. I mean how different can two properties be?
jh: And so you picked up camp and now you’re going to be dealing with CGE. Why CGE? Why not just go solo?
(n)VS: Because we’re too cheap to go solo. And Mr. Alessi dumped a pile of cash in my lap.
jh: Really?
(n)VS: No, not really. But since Ian Feller is listening in on this interview to approve everything I say and make sure I’m following the company line, I thought I’d make his boss out to be a great guy.
jh: uh…
(n)VS: Let’s just say I didn’t read the entire contract. They had this one part that was microscopic, but Ian told me their electron microscope was at the shop that day and that it was really no big deal. So I signed. And now…
jh: … okay … ?
(n)VS: They took her! They took her god damn them, and now I’ll never see her again until—
At this point the phone disconnected. Not sure what any of that means, but I sure hope it doesn’t delay the premiere of Dragon’s Lair. I must’ve blown $10,000.00 in quarters on that bad boy down at the arcade!
-----END TRANSMISSION-----
So, basically it's probably gonna be crap like that. Only, I'm much funnier now than I was in 2003. Man I was a lameazoid! And did you see how timely it was to spit up an article about CrossGen now that Disney has announced that they've acquired the Intellectual Property and now Michael Eisner can piss out another boring film (think Meridian) in which the heroine loses her father, they sing a song, face a danger, make a new friend, the animals and dishes start singing, everyone dances, the villain almost wins and then gets defeated in the end--HUG!!
Now just to sit back and see if I ever bother to update this thing again!
It is?
Well, fine then. This is j.hues, returning to what made him famous... infamous? A long time ago in a galaxy all around you (duh!) there was a little weekly column called 'Rolling With The Punches.' You can find the archives at http://www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/punches/, though note that the displaying column is by a guest columnist (more on that in a bit). This column ran for almost a year, gaining much acclaim from industry professionals, journalists and fans alike. At it's height I was one of the top destinations at the Silver Bullet site.
This lead to my selection to replace outgoing Alan Donald on SBC's signature column 'All The Rage.' In a fan-participation romp, Alan and I switched columsn for "one week," this is why you see a column by Alan Donald when you go to my Archives--natch!, and then that one week became permanent.
What's that? You don't remember me writing ATR? Well, it didn't last long and no I wasn't fired thenkyewverymuch. Due to my work as News Editor and Columnist, I garnered the attention of Bob Layton down at Future Comics and faster than the Flash can doff the scarlet and lightning I had to resign from ATR (handing it over to that drunken lout Markisan Naso--who stood me and up-and-coming superstar Brandon Thomas up at WW Chicago so he could be drunk!) and take the position of Public Relations and Marketing Manager for Future Comics.
That was a great ride and I got to meet and greet with a lot of industry legends and great professionals at conventions and got to see the publishing side of our fine industry (which was great!). As most of you know, Future Comics closed its doors earlier this year, and you ATR readers learned a bit more about the behind the scenes machinations of that through Bob Layton's open letter in ATR this past weekend.
This left me without an outlet at all! Unacceptable. So I started 'RWTPv2: Rolling With The Punches.' Volume 2, rather than being the zany fun-loving column you all know, is a daily webstrip that updates 5 days a week (M-F). It premiered in April 2004 at Silver Bullet Comics before moving later in the year to its own home in the wide world of cyberspace at www.rwtpv2.com (a URL so nice no one in their right minds will ever remember it--remember all of my success has come based on my ravishing good looks) and promptly losing more than half of its readership, many of whom probably figured I'd just stopped doing the strip rather than finding me at my new home. But they're finding me now, ever so slowly. RWTPv2 is set in a comics shop, where I spent five very formative years managing. The cast is based on me and various people I've met, worked with and known over the years. It's good stuff people.
But then suddenly that wasn't enough. Suddenly, I was just another web cartoonist in an obscure corner of the Internet (albeit a damned good-looking and funny and insightful and intelligent and entertaining corner, but a corner nonetheless) and so now you see 'Rolling With The Punches: Version 3.0.'
The difference this time is that I'm not folding Volume 2 so that I can bring you Version 3.0. I'm gonna do both. Why? Because I love you. Okay, actually it's because I love me and I love the sound of my own font and you just have to deal with it (don't leave!).
So what's this blog gonna be about? Is anybody still reading this far into it? No? I like to touch myself in dark places someti-- hello? Is somebody there? This isn't funny! You better not tell anyone what I s-- no, of course it's not true. I knew you were there the whole time.
*ahem*
RWTPv3.0 is a return to the idea behind the original 'Punches,' in which I take a tidbit of news and add my own perverse twist to it. Would you like an example culled form those archives at SBC? Okay...
(bastards are gonna make me work for it!)
hmmm....
From March 26, 2003
(http://www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/punches/104873197190044.htm)
-----BEGIN TRANSMISSION----
The power is moving to the Sigil! The hot success of the eighties has prompted MV Creations to move from Image to CGE. Why? Well, I was going to ask MV Creations President Val Staples about it but then a rerun of What’s Happening came on television and the next thing you know it was Sanford & Son, Gimme A Break, Diff’rent Strokes and Taxi and there just wasn’t enough time to track him down. As such, I have concocted an interview, with myself filling in for the esteemed Mr. Staples.
j.hues:So, CrossGen, eh? Image piss you off?
(not) Val Staples: Oh not at all. We have a very cordial relationship with Image. Okay, truth be told they pissed me off. They said we were going to have to have a Masters of the Universe / Witchblade crossover within the first year of the series. It just seemed really stupid. I mean how different can two properties be?
jh: And so you picked up camp and now you’re going to be dealing with CGE. Why CGE? Why not just go solo?
(n)VS: Because we’re too cheap to go solo. And Mr. Alessi dumped a pile of cash in my lap.
jh: Really?
(n)VS: No, not really. But since Ian Feller is listening in on this interview to approve everything I say and make sure I’m following the company line, I thought I’d make his boss out to be a great guy.
jh: uh…
(n)VS: Let’s just say I didn’t read the entire contract. They had this one part that was microscopic, but Ian told me their electron microscope was at the shop that day and that it was really no big deal. So I signed. And now…
jh: … okay … ?
(n)VS: They took her! They took her god damn them, and now I’ll never see her again until—
At this point the phone disconnected. Not sure what any of that means, but I sure hope it doesn’t delay the premiere of Dragon’s Lair. I must’ve blown $10,000.00 in quarters on that bad boy down at the arcade!
-----END TRANSMISSION-----
So, basically it's probably gonna be crap like that. Only, I'm much funnier now than I was in 2003. Man I was a lameazoid! And did you see how timely it was to spit up an article about CrossGen now that Disney has announced that they've acquired the Intellectual Property and now Michael Eisner can piss out another boring film (think Meridian) in which the heroine loses her father, they sing a song, face a danger, make a new friend, the animals and dishes start singing, everyone dances, the villain almost wins and then gets defeated in the end--HUG!!
Now just to sit back and see if I ever bother to update this thing again!
posted by j.hues at 2:10 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home